where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
