You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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