Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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