Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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