Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize