if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
