I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
As shirtless as possible
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
