Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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