do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize