the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
