Porn is love you can see.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
