Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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