I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
