peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize