Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
