You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
