Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
