I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize