Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
