when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
