I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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