Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
