if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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