who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
