i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
