Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
