I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
