her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
