Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
