i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
