He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So here I am, sexting at work.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
