then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
