Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
