Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Someone shattered a urinal.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
