A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
