yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize