How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
