Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
