I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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