we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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