from now on my penis is your penis
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do vagina's smell?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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