I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we made out on top of his cat.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize