I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
