there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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