the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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