I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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