At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize