Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
