You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
