dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
