how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
