i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
