3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
