He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
