I just made out with a guy for $7.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
