ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
