I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
