Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
