is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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