dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
