I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Shame - the story of my life.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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