Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
