we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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