you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
