so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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