So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
