And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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