Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
