how can u be prego again
hell yes lets make some ravioli
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
