watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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