i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
