Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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