Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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