And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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