So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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