HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
