don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
