im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize