I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
