I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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