he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
