i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
