Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
