I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
