Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
