I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
