i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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