watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize