just come out here and I will go home with you...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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