Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
