Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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