i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
