fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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