I'm lost and stupid without you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
