I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize