Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize