Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
