i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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