It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
