i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
how drunk are you?
Several
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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