I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
