I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
