why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
