What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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