my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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