i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
