Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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