Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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