he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
