I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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