my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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