I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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