a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize