I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
